Because Packing is for Losers

Blogging live from my living room: The 2011 MTV VMA’S

Lady gaga: I’m not sure if i enjoyed this, or it was to awkward to actually enjoy. I’m pretty sure that’s what she looks like sans makeup.
Post lady gaga: Who is this guy…..this is worse then the waynes brothers. That’s saying something.
Please someone get Jessie J some tanner, NOW. I think I’m blind.
I refuse to comment on Nikki wtf
This is so awkward. Painfully. Poor Jonah.

Best pop video: my bet is on Katy Perry
My choice: Pitbull
Winner: Britney? wtf? really? Katy Perry does NOT look impressed. Omg you can see the medication oozing from Britney’s pores…

Oh here we are the ghost is singing. At least it’s in tune. Ooo commercial. Probably my fave part so far. It means food and peeing. Who doesn’t love that.

And we’re back. Oh it’s the mystery duo performance. The one no one could know about. I’d be more impressed if the flames caused a Michael Jackson hair accident redo. Or better yet, beating the crap out of each other. That I’d be paying for.

Why is the Biebs dressed like an 80’s rapper?
Miley…that dress is terrible. You look like a corpse in a carpet.

Best Rock Video: my bet is on Foo Fighters
My pick: Cage the elephant
Winner: Foo fighter. Meh. They’re not my fave, but they’ve been around long enough for me not to eye twitch here.

Ok seriously. Make the mummy stop. Is she glued to that chair?

Ok, this is really funny if you’ve seen the Beastie Boys video. Despite my utter dislike for Jack Black

Best Hip Hop Video: my bet Kanye all of the lights
My pick: Kanye
Winner: Nikki. I stop commenting here. She didn’t get the memo of christmas being in december apparently. Big props to her winning though being the only girl in the category. I guess.

Uh, another commercial. I wish that they’d actually let Jessie J perform that song. I actually like  it. Don’t let that get out, I have a rep to maintain.

Best collab: My Bet: Pittbull
My pick: Pittbull
Winner: Katy Perry. While I love me some Katy, I’m really not sure this is the best  collab? She’s like a real life mini mouse.
OMG PAUL RUDD. Ok I’m breathing again.

Ooooo it’s my jam: pause for kelly dance break.
Wtf to Pittbull’s pants mind you. Honestly, Neyo makes this song. I love him. I still don’t love those pants Armpitty.There are so many people on this stage I’m not sure where to focus, although anywhere but those pants is great. Yes, I’m dwelling. Lasers make everything cool.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. She has a broken leg!!! It all makes sense now. I is slows.
I just tilted my head, straight up, to  Katy’s dress. I think the belt throws it off.
Have I mention I effin heart Adele. I’d have her babies. Your welcome. Her voice gives me goosebumps. It’s not often you get a performance like this on the VMA’s that is also a showstopper. Amazing.
Awkward non camera cutting…. Did they have to get all tangled up near BritBrit?

Holy crap..It stands!!!!
Kim Kardashian face planting would have been nice.

Best male video: My bet Bruno mars
My vote: Kanye, all of the lights
Winner: Beiber!??! Come the fuck on. I wish  this kid would chase a ball into traffic. Your glasses are ridiculous.

Chris Brown: woman beater or not, this dude is effin entertaining. But uh, beyonce did this performance already mr stripes. This mix is what variety shows from 2001 are made of. We would have been all over this for ours back then. Oh and uh, we know you’re lipsinging… Why is Kanye standing? Ooooo flying Brown. Man, this kid can dance. Ok , that was pretty cool. I’m impressed.

Wait what, speaking of 2001, here we have no scrubs. Can I call it or what?
Oh, here comes the  Gag’s still dressed like herself in the morning. Wtf is this. Me no likey. Lady gag’s inspiration is Brit…dafuck? Honoring her videos??!?! Did they not see Britney’s latest? The speeded up versions of the songs must be to simulate how Britney hears them herself. How inspirational… MJ is grave rolling.  This speech should be stellar. Oh. Oh no. Pls don’t. Oh thank sweet baby jesus. Brit’s  reading could not have been better.

Here comes babyholdingbeyonce. Poor little stomach dwellers getting all jiggled in there. Think of the children’s B. This is  pretty boring as for B performances go. Le boo. Wake me when this is over.
Jay Z, Kanye, Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett? I’m just as confused as you are folks.

I’m ashamed to admit that the Selena Gomez song is catchy.

Oh best new artist: My bet Black and Yellow
I want: Foster the people (yes alex, I just said that)
Winner: I’d answer but i’m not sure who the hell this is. I just like watching Selena Gomez scurry out of their path.

Young the giant. I’ll be honest, i’m not to familiar. They’re reminding me of kings of leon meets Foo Fighters meets the killers. Not all that bad considering. I’m actually kinda digging. I’m loving the laidback clothing as well. Granted the singer is looking higher then Britney. 1972 is running deep in this one.

Holy rainbowbright Deena. This is actually a cute pair up. I have a soft spot for vulgar old ladies.

Best Female Video: my bet Lady Gaga
My pick: Adele
Winner: Lady Gaga. Here comes Tranny gags. Wait a second. Pan back to Katy Perry. That hat should be taking all of these trophies home. You know you’re being a frigging weirdo when the cast of jersey shore is giving you side eye…

And THIS would be where my power dies, and thus miss the end of all this glory. I’m writing this from my phone, thank pauly for WP draft saving huh? I’ll probably update with the ending once I catch one of the 7.5 million replays. Thanks for tuning in.

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Comments

  1. Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog!
    Have a nice day!

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