Common Phrases from a Momapotamus

Day in the life of’s are so…. over done. But talk to me next week when I’m sitting here with a bad case of the brain soups and I’ll be all over that. I figured a better way for you to get a glimpse into my humble (ha) abode would be through reciting a few blurbs that come out over the course of my day. In no particular order we have the following:

Your sister’s eyeball is not a toy.
For the love of baby Jesus.
Seriously Liam out of the 28.5 million toys we have, you NEED to play with Jace’s little people?
Noah baby, it’s not that bad. Why are you sobbing as if I’ve died?
Ella that’s not food.
Ella that IS food.
Ella i have no idea what that is.
Oh great job going potty Jace!!!
Yes, Jace that’s awesome poo…..
No Jace we do not hug the poo goodbyes…
Seriously Jace, if you don’t flush the toilet and get out you’ll never be allowed to poo again.
Why are the windows flooding??
Mommy can’t make the oven go faster then it is.
I’m really not sure why you’re all staring at me like i’m meat.
What do you mean you don’t want peanut butter, you just nagged me for 45 minutes for it!!!
I love all of you the same…. on different days.
I’m not asking you for a kidney, I just want you to pick up the rice you dumped out.
It’s food… yes, Mommy eats too. No you can’t have any. Why because you just had a 4 course meal for lunch.
(this is often followed by my having to eat in the bathroom)
I have all day.
Don’t hit your brother
Don’t bite your brother
Don’t pee on your brother.
But WHY is the truck in the toilet?
I’m not sure who though eating the crayons was a great idea.
No, you can’t watch SuperBad as your afternoon movie.
Why are you screaming _ far from my face
I’m entirely fascinated with your wow wow wubzy reenactments.
No one gets snack until all the books are back on the shelf…… I’m not really sure I care that you’re using them as a path.
Holy crap, it’s a Squirrel.
Seriously the broom isn’t going to eat you. Neither is the mop.
It’s 120 degrees out, please pick a different shirt.
Yes mommy loves you more than her camera, it was a joke.
Why didn’t anyone warn me about this girl shrieks of death?!?
Pug, if you don’t move you’re going to morph into a splat.

I’m pretty sure this is going to need a part two as I’m sure more will come to me as I go. I know how thrilled you must be. I’m going to need you to remain calm.

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